The outside of the refuge in “Belorado”

Route segment: 11

Friday 6th October 2000

We are given a good breakfast by the people staying at the church. They have been very hospitable and I think again that it is probably the best refuge I have stayed at so far. It was certainly the best night’s sleep and I had clear vivid dreams, which Ihave not had for many weeks now. I dream that I am going into a swimming pool. But it is no ordinary swimming pool as it is three dimensional and has a structure to it. I can move freely through the water in all dimensions and can breath underwater.

I move like a dolphin up and down and around some obstacles that have been put there to provide a challenge or just fun. The water is crystal clear and warm. My dreams of water are always of very clear water and I remember dreams where I have been on the surface of a lake or whatever and I can see clearly right to the bottom many hundreds of feet below. When I discuss this dream later with Thierry he is impressed and says that dreams of clear water are a very good sign.

The walk today from “Grañón” is through bare countryside and it is misty. It is also hilly and as I turn round I can see “Grañón” on the hill behind me. I am alone again today, as Thierry does not know what he wants to do. I let him get on with whatever it is. I will meet him later in “Belorado”. The fields around here have been harvested and then burned. They smell bad:-

The fields on the way to “Belorado”

Today I find myself meditating, without trying, on the nature of love. It would seem that there are two types for me, the love of the mind and the love of the heart. I have tended to the former and as far as I can remember have never experienced the later. I have always been a fairly unemotional person since childhood when experiences growing up meant that I had to isolate myself emotionally from what was going on around me in my family.

The techniques that I learned then have become second nature and ingrained and it is difficult to free myself from their grip. I have no adult guide to help me re-adjust back to whatever is supposed to be normal.

It seems that when I grow attached to a woman, it is with the mind only. I have observed that when a bond develops between two people there is an instinctive and subconscious exchange between their hearts; some call it “chemistry”. The women I have loved have never gone through this process since it only works for love from the heart. My mind says that there should have been some reaction and I become frustrated when there is none to be seen. So the difficulties arise.

Later, coming into “Belorado“, I catch up with Ferdinand. I am glad to see him and we have a shared lunch on the path. We walk together for the rest of the way and struggle to find the refuge. Eventually I spot Thierry sitting outside a building and he says the refuge is there.

The kitchen at the refuge in “Belorado”

It is a building attached to a church. It feels very cold outside and inside the building and I am shaking with the cold. Thierry
has had some revelations today too and we sit for maybe an hour and discuss them. This evening is going to be a very strange one and everyone is a bit shell shocked with one thing and another.

The woman who runs this place is from Germany. She is a schoolteacher and is a strict woman. Lisa takes an instant dislike to her and disappears out to dinner in the town with Geordie, Carlos and Olga. When I try to buy some wine for the evening meal she insists that everyone pays for it. I am not allowed to give it as a gift. That makes me feel sad.

The German woman is sitting next to me during the communal meal and I tell her politely that she is far too strict and that we are not children. I try to tell her as gently as possible and she is shocked but accepts my comment as the truth after a while. She can see that her behaviour contributes in some ways towards the dislike some of the pilgrims develop for her.

Thierry decides that he will not walk the Camino any longer and will stay in “Belorado” for a while. Ferdinand decides in the morning to stay for a while also.